I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
