remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
