I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
