He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
