There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
