sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
This gyro tastes like lonliness
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
