she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
