So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
