I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
