either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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