If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
