i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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