this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
