Too much gin, very little bucket
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
