His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
