Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Found the puke drawer
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
