Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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