chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
