The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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