you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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