Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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