I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
