I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
