Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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