she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
