i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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