My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
