But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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