hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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