I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize