very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
