do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
