There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
