my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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