Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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