went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just forgot I was standing up.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
