pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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