I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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