And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
