I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
