For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Randomize
