Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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