What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
