hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
