when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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