9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
