What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
