So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
you made out with another girl for some wings
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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