what day is it and did you see me today?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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