grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
