so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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