I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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