do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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