he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
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He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You're like the curious george of whores
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
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I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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