great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
