I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
