no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
