something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
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She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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