Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
