your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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