I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
