How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
