we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
