happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He better not be in your backpack
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
