I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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