Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
