The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?