What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
