Texts From Last Night

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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven

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  (978): i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven http://tfl.nu/9auj
  Replies (32) Good night (12941) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
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  (+27): View more from South Africa

  I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.

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  (+27): I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork. http://tfl.nu/lbeq
  Replies (20) Good night (2675) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.

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  (850): We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie. http://tfl.nu/ozoq
  Replies (19) Good night (1032) Bad night (2921) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Big sunglasses are the new paper bag

  (817): View more from Texas

  ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex

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  (214): Big sunglasses are the new paper bag (817): ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex http://tfl.nu/2sef
  Replies (38) Good night (2890) Bad night (651)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.

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  (352): there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up. http://tfl.nu/1vah
  Replies (13) Good night (3694) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help

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  (917): I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help http://tfl.nu/ynln
  Replies (26) Good night (5527) Bad night (1889) Order T-Shirt
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  (213): View more from California

  Her brother is deaf.

  (214): View more from Texas

  no wonder she was so good with her hands

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  (213): Her brother is deaf. (214): no wonder she was so good with her hands http://tfl.nu/zbzq
  Replies (6) Good night (5350) Bad night (847)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.

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  (709): It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me. http://tfl.nu/jsip
  Replies (11) Good night (749) Bad night (2624) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.

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  (513): The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk. http://tfl.nu/ersv
  Replies (2) Good night (3529) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"

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  (856): we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon" http://tfl.nu/pn3g
  Replies (4) Good night (3999) Bad night (707)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".

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  (815): Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime". http://tfl.nu/6eu2
  Replies (3) Good night (2222) Bad night (698)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...

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  (508): I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ... http://tfl.nu/q441
  Replies (5) Good night (558) Bad night (1821) Order T-Shirt
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can

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  (604): Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can http://tfl.nu/fug3
  Replies (6) Good night (980) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.

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  (309): Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate. http://tfl.nu/i08u
  Replies (1) Good night (538) Bad night (340) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family

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  (519): Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family http://tfl.nu/9fi5
  Replies (0) Good night (285) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt

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