I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?