i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.