they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".